Being a thirty at 19 SUCKS

I wish I made enough money to be fully independent. I am so tired of feeling like shit for doing things like seeing concerts and movies and BEING A TEENAGER. I am only nineteen years old, I wish my parents realized they talked me into making a choice when I was eighteen that has pushed me into this realm of adulthood that maybe Im not fully ready for. And then make me feel like total shit for not being able to totally go with my head and make logical descisions. Sue me if I want to go see a friggin twenty dollar concert. It's stupid things. Sure, I realize that maybe I didn't NEED to go to a concert and yes, I did ask them to buy me groceries and yes maybe if I were a little more responsible and maybe if I listened to them more I'd be a better person, more able to afford living and being a kid. But you know what, I make mistakes. Even if I don;t see things I do as mistakes, I don't see why I am pushed out on my own to grow and instead of growing I am covered with guilt.

I don't feel like being an adult. I want to be able to spend my money on something other than bills. I can't even quit my job and go to school. I have to work to live. I'm stuck. It is ridiculous that I am NINTEEN and feel like I am thirty. I'm in a hole I can't get out of. I dug myself in by trying to be independent. No one sees my accomplishments though. All I am is a faulted mess. And Im sick of it and I feel like shit.

I give up.

Stephanie