too nice

For the most part today my day was good. I was in a good mood, had plenty of energy, and I felt good. I got to listen to real music because I had Cindy's mini radio set up in my window. Was trying to win poinfest tickets all day, had everyone in the bank calling the number. No one ever got through. It's a crock of b.s that six people cannot get through to a radio station at all.

Nabil told me today "You better be glad you are so pretty, because you are one weird girl." I was appalled and found it hilarious, all at once. I like Nabil, he makes me smile.

Steve upset me beyond reason today. I don't even know why I got upset. Maybe its because he didn't help me close tonight and left me to do everything then tried to justify it by saying he was on a call. WITH HIS MOTHER. Anyway, I got all bent out of shape because I wanted to get home earlier than 6:00. I guess I figured since the bank closes at 5:00 and we are scheduled to stay until 5:15, that being home by 6:00 was feasable. I left at 5:50. Because I did everything alone and had to wait on him. I was in tears. So much for a perfect day.

Was going to go out to dinner with David. I've got the $20 Applebees card in my purse and thier salad sounds mighty good. However, other things came up. I don't mind, because he never gets to see his brother, so I am glad he gets to go see him tonight. I just hope he doesn't think I am mad. I'm sure I sounded upset, but that is because I felt like I was on the brinks of an emotional breakdown. I don't mind pushing plans off another day or so. Im going to see him all day on Saturday anyway, when we go pick up Paula.

I'm still a little upset over the Steve ordeal though. I'm just so tired of picking up other peoples slack and being a pushover, and then getting no gratitude. I feel like I do so freaking much to make everyone in the world happy, yet there are very few people that will go out of thier way for me. I'm so tired of being the nice one, but I always will be. I cannot stand for people to be upset with me, disappointed in me, let down by me. I hate it. I hate it. I said that twice but I really do. I can say no and then see the look on thier face and I melt and I put myself on hold to make others happy. It's a curse. A horrid curse. What will I get out of this? Nothing. I get a half-assed thank you every once in awhile. I don't know, I guess I live by the "do unto others..." golden rule. I might be the only person left who does so.

I need to take a breather.

Loves

Stephanie